‘How I May Have Saved My Own Life’

A week ago I posted a blog that was about an older gentleman I knew from Stayner – Matt Rawn. He used to write columns for the paper from time to time mostly about war times as he was a Merchant Marine working alongside the Canadian Navy, but many of his stories were about his travels as a hobo in which he hopped trains to get from city to city across the country and into the States to find work. Some of his stories were about life on his farm in Monticello and earlier in Simcoe County where he lived with his family as a youngster in the Sunnidale and Nottawasaga Township areas. Matt was a character and he had lots of memories to share – some are yarns and some of true fact.

This next piece is about a love affair gone wrong but it’s a good reminder at Christmas time (or anytime of year) and will really make people think twice.

By Matt Rawn:

‘How I May Have Saved My Own Life’ is a story I like to tell just as often as I can but today I find it difficult to get anyone to listen to me. Of course, if my yarns or stories or whatever I’m talking about are laced with smut or any similar substance…well as I have said it’s just another story - so have a read of this one and see how it compares. Though I don’t stress and nor do I want to put a lot of emphasis on it because I think that water should be allowed to find its own level.

The first time I met her was in Georgetown Ontario way back when I was working on a dairy farm in that area. It was the general practice for hired farm hands to go into town on a Saturday night – we would each have a dollar or two - no more, and this would be during the nicer weather only. We would take in the Saturday night movie (silent pictures) usually a western or a thriller, shoot a game or two of pool after, get a haircut, buy a supply of fine-cut tobacco, maybe have a glass of what was known as 4-4 beer, buy one of any weekly papers with the brown section and coloured comics and then head for home about 10:30 or 11 p.m.

Well this Saturday night I wasn’t with the usual gang, I was with two older fellows and they introduced her to me. She was older than I was and exciting and she’d been around. The farmer that I worked with warned me to have nothing to do with her. He said no good would come of our relationship but I didn’t pay any attention and kept meeting her on the sly. She was so sophisticated and worldly it made me feel, well you know, more grown up just being with her.

It was lots of fun to take her to a party in those days. She was always the centre of attention. We began to see more of each other and I took her to my parents once or twice.  They were farm folks as well.  They didn’t think much of her and they told me so. When I got a place of my own later on she was a frequent guest and it was not long before she moved in with me. It may have been common-law and it was heart breaking for my parents and two of my younger sisters, but I kept reminding myself that I was not a kid anymore - besides it was legal.

We lived together through my early years and I seldom went anywhere without her but I wasn’t blind. I knew she was unfaithful to me and what’s worse I didn’t care so long as she was there for me when I wanted her and she usually was.

The longer we lived together the more attached I became to her but it wasn’t mutual. She began to delight in making me look foolish in front of my friends but still I couldn’t give her up. It became a love-hate relationship and I figured out that her glamour was nothing more than a cheap mask to hide her spite and cynicism. I could no longer see her beauty after I came to know her true character but old habits are not all that easy to break. We had invested many years in each other; even though my relationship with her made me lose a little respect for myself she became the centre of my life. We didn’t go anywhere and we didn’t do anything. We didn’t have friends over – it was just the two of us. I became depressed and I knew that she was largely responsible for my misery.

I finally told her that I was through and that I was leaving. It took a hell of a lot of guts but I left.

I still see her around and I miss her now and then. I’m not boasting when I say she’d take me back in a minute but by the grace of God or whatever you want to call it, I’ll never take up with her again. If you see her give her my regards for she is still as beautiful as ever and I don’t hate her. I just loved her too much and that was all.

Chances are you know the family. The name is ‘ALCOHOL’!